Today, before moving on to writing my third novel, I’ve decided to tell you the reason why I write. I realize that this is a very cliché thing for writers to do, but I don’t particularly give a damn what other people have done. I have so many different reasons that I actually find it challenging to sum up my feelings without rambling on for pages, so buckle in! It’s gonna be a long one.
I first began writing to escape from the world. From elementary school until even now, I have suffered from anxiety disorders, primarily severe social anxiety disorder. As an introvert to begin with, my anxiety only made life much harder when facing school, classmates, jobs, and social activities. I turned to books as a way to cope. I read all the fantasy romance books I could find, but I was always so upset when the books ended.
When I found fanfiction, it was like a whole new world was opened to me. I could continue reading the stories I loved for practically forever. Then I decided to write my own. My first story was a very poorly written fanfiction for a manga called Vampire Knight when I was twelve. I believe I still have that, actually.
It was an amazing feeling, writing my own one-shot. I could manipulate it to be whatever I wanted it to be. If I didn’t like a reaction in a book or a fanfiction, I could just… rewrite it myself. No matter how terrible I was at writing (and I certainly knew I was awful), I continued writing. And I continued reading. Reading helped me figure out how to format my books, like creating a new paragraph when a different character speaks, or correct grammar mistakes. Making mistakes is good, because you can correct yourself and possess the knowledge to not make that mistake again, or at least as often without catching yourself. Don’t judge yourself too harshly either when you found out you made mistakes. It’s a part of life, even the very small parts of it.
I was lucky to have my mom and friends who encouraged me to continue writing, even during difficult times in my life or when I was so frustrated by writer’s block that I just wanted to throw my computer across the room. I want to show other people that if they don’t just give up on their writing, they can do whatever they want. Even if no one believes in you but yourself, or you don’t feel like you’re good enough, you should always continue doing the things you love. Improvement comes with time. Practice and time. And the only opinion that should truly matter is yours.
I also want to be an inspiration to people through my writing. I don’t care if my personal story is told, I just want my books to be remembered. I want to be able to affect at least one person with the stories I create. To bring a tear to someone’s eye, to make them smile, or to make them laugh. I want them to feel something when reading through the pages of my novels. My books are my mark on the world, and if they only affect one person in the entire world, that’s fine by me.
I try to remember, though, that I do not need to conform to anyone else’s ideas of what my writing should be like. My writing is primarily for me, and if I like the finished product, that is enough. I refuse to let other people’s negative opinions drag me down.
“If you can tell stories, create characters, devise incidents, and have sincerity and passion, it doesn’t matter a damn how you write.” – Somerset Maugham